I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
