i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
