you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
