Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize