i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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