Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
