are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How does it feel to date your dad?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
