dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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