this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
