What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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