for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
