finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
