I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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