God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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