I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
