This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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