Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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