can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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