You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
