you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
