obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
