Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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