This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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