You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
