So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
