I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize