ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
