i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
zippers are such a cool invention
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
