in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
