You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize