I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
