she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
