I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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