I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
