When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She bit a glass in half.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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