you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
