You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
where are you?
Hypothermia
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize