I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
