So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
