meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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