I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
