I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
