you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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