She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
