Your dad touched me again.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
