He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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