i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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