So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize