i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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