I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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