she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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