fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
