we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize