so explain again why im purple
no
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
