why didn't you poke me back
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
