Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
