you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize