My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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