is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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