watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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