who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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