What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
