it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
