I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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