Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
