So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
