I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
