covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
