the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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